I am an what I call an information dumper. When I meet people I seem to blurt out the negative things that have happened in my life all at once just to get it out of the way. Sometimes they squirm in their chair or look towards the door. I think it is the fact these negative things span almost my whole 47 years and the list is so long. When I spout out the list it almost seems like bullet points from a power point presentation I have rehearsed for years. I have trimmed down the list so it is easier for the listener to absorb. Those that stay and listen and share their histories are usually the ones that become friends for life.
A few months ago I had a conversation with my brother and he admitted he does the same thing. It is so funny to me that we both try to get those uncomfortable subjects out in the open right away. I started to wonder if everyone feels that way and does the same. It is usually during those times when you are hanging out with a friend for the first time and you start to get into those topics that you dread talking about. “How many siblings do you have?” “Where do your parents live?” ‘What do you do for the holidays?” I find it easier to field questions and curious statements after I unpack my messy past in front of them. I am a very open person. I am happy to share. I figure if my past turns people off they weren’t meant to be in my life in the first place.
A therapist looked me in the eye and told me “You can end toxic relationships even if they are family members.” This was a mind blower for me. I always thought that blood was thicker than water and family was forever. When I realized this was a fallacy I felt a weight lifted. I felt free. Even though the separation was painful I let go at that moment of my expectations of others. I let go of what I thought was the right way to live and found my individuality. I started finding myself.
I always try to use the mantra that my past doesn’t define me but it has really been hard to live that as my truth. The tricky part is finding the light in all of the things that I see as negative so I can move forward. This – my friends – is a long and arduous process but so worthy of my time. A constant work in progress.
What is my truth? I believe that my family is curated. I gravitate towards others who have a solid moral compass, are creative in spirit and feel passionate about a positive way of being. As I write this I feel like you might think that statement is a bit over the top but I thought long and hard about my inner circle and what it looks like. Everyone in it has these qualities.
Just Bee…. xo Melissa Dee